Yesterday in Residency my professor had us do a team building exercise to affirm members of the class. After the exercise was finished, my professor asked, “did you think it was hard to look the person in the eye when you were affirming them? We have no issue looking people in the eye when we are correcting or disciplining them, yet we tend to not make eye contact when we say something positive.”
In typical Mandy fashion, I blurted out, “I have NO problem making eye contact with the person I am affirming, but I have difficulty making eye contact with the person affirming me.” There were other people in the room who agreed with what I said.
All morning I have been asking God to examine me and reveal to me, “how well am I affirming those whom I come in contact with daily?” I think I am good at encouraging and affirming people who I do not see often or people I know who are hurting, but again, how well am I really affirming those I interact with daily/live with? Am I affirming my husband or am I tearing him down? Am I affirming my mom or am I impatient and mean? I do not have children, but I would like to think I would ask myself if I am giving my child as much affirmation as I am giving them correction/discipline?
How about you, how well are you affirming those you live with/interact with daily?
God truly has a sense of humor! While I am asking God to test me to reveal how well I am affirming others, the Lord is asking me, “how well are you receiving affirmation?” OUCH! I confess, I do not take affirmation well. When someone affirms me, I do one of three things: I deflect with a joke, say thank you quickly, or change the subject. I just realized, when someone corrects me or speaks sternly to me, I keep my head up and look them in the eye, yet when they affirm me I gaze avert or put my head down.
As I reflect over my actions, I cannot help but wonder how many times my fear and pride hurt a well intended person? When I affirm someone, I want them to receive the message even if they feel uncomfortable. Again, as I reflect on this, what right do I have to dismiss someone when I do not want them to dismiss what I have to say? That is hypocrisy at its finest.
As believers we are called to affirm and support each other. I hope, dear reader, you will allow the Holy Spirit access to examine your mind, heart and actions when it comes to how you give and receive affirmation.
Lord God, help us to give and receive affirmation in a way that builds the body and displays Christ to this dark and hurting world. Thank You Father for the gift of community. Father God, thank You for this reader and may You meet with them right where they are, in Jesus’s Name I pray, Amen.
Blue Collar Theologian 
I can 100% relate to this post! When someone affirms me, I get uncomfortable and immediately want to change the subject! Yet, when I encourage someone else I would want them to receive it well and not feel uncomfortable. Thanks for bringing this to light because I never stop to think how that’s not okay and something I need to work on!
LikeLike
Hey Mandy, thanks so much for subscribing to my blog! I’m excited to follow yours as well, especially since you’re a fellow Lancastrian! You have such thoughtful and contemplative posts here. Keep up the great work 🙂
LikeLike
This post made me feel a little guilty. When raising my children I was always quick to criticize, but rarely, if ever, affirmed good behavior. At the time I only worried about the problems, and thought the things that were going right needed no attention. I know now that attitude was a mistake. Children especially need affirmation.
I have never been much of an eye contact person. Perhaps goes back to a long association with a person of another culture where direct eye contact was not appropriate. I do not know for sure. Could be something else wrong in my personality.
LikeLike