For the past 10 days I have pondered how I would write this entry; I have decided that I am just going to say it. On Friday September 20, 2019, I am flying back to the Keystone State permanently. While I will be glad to return to my home state of Pennsylvania, I am deeply grieved to leave my mom here in Florida.
For the past three months I have stolen and wasted precious quality time with my mom. Instead of enjoying the time we had together, I have been sad, angry and bitter. I have been mean and inconsolable. I stole and wasted time by giving into negative emotions rather than being thankful. I have hurt my mom beyond measure and that is a pain I pray lessens with time.
If there is one thing in life that I hate it is to hurt and disappoint people, especially my mom. I can be a really angry and nasty person (seriously folks, I can be a raging lunatic at times) and when I come to my senses and see how much I hurt my mom, it breaks my heart. If I were ever asked to cry on command, all I would have to do is think of my mom’s face when I hurt her and that would humble me.
I keep telling myself we never know how much time we will have with our loved ones in this life. I am praying that the Lord will redeem the time that I have left with my mom. I am praying that He will heal our hearts. I am sad that my mom is sad that Nathan and I are leaving. I know that she will be fine. She has an excellent group of friends who love her and she loves them. Praise God, my mom is in good health. I assure y’all if something were to change, I would be on the first plane out of Harrisburg, PA to get to my mom.
I have no idea who or if anyone will read this blog post, but if you are reading, tell the people you care about that you love them. Enjoy the time that you have with your loved ones. Be present and be patient. I fail all of these daily. Thankfully, each day is a new opportunity to do better than the day before.
Mom, if you are reading this, I LOVE YOU! I am beyond sorry for the time I wasted with you. I am sorry for the hurt that I have caused you and the emotions that I stole from you. I am sorry this experience did not go the way we envisioned and planned. I am so sorry for all the times that I made you feel like you were not enough. Mom, we are as close as we are because we are a relationship tried by fire. I look forward to the day when we can look back on this and say together, that God was with us, even here. Again, Mom, I love you and I am sorry.
Father God, thank You for this reader. Lord, may this reader not delay in spending quality time with those they love. May we not lose sight of what matters. Thank You Father for new mercies and new opportunities. Help us to make wise use of the time that You have given to us. In Jesus’s Name I pray, Amen.