Since getting married two years ago, I have been in a constant state of wandering. Nathan and I thought that God was moving us to Florida, listed the house for sale and off we went (the house sold the end of July 2019). Since moving back to PA (September 2019) we have been renting a place (which is nice do not get me wrong); however, it is not home. We have visited countless houses that are for sale. Multiple times a day I check the web to see if there are new listings in the area. I have also spoken with a contractor about building. So far, nothing has panned out.
I have to be honest, I really loved my house that I sold. I knew when Nathan and I got married that I would have to sell my house because, well, it was “my” house. I was critical of everything he did. I prided myself on having a clean and empty garage, that changed quickly! What I hold onto the most from my former house is the view. I was able to watch the sunrise every morning and there was a stream behind my house with weeping willow trees. I absolutely love willow trees. Try as I might to accept that this is a different time in life and that I needed to let go of that house and view, the loss still creeps in from time to time.
What makes this even more acute is that yesterday (January 14, 2020) I put an offer on a house, only to be told that another buyer offered more money. I refused to get in a bidding war and so my offer was not accepted. While to most people that may be a disappointment; however, I feel anger and discontentment rising in my being. Instead of lying or hiding this anger and discontentment, I will heed Tony Evan’s counsel, “tell the truth, shame the devil!”
I realize this post may sound really, really trivial. I know that God is growing and stretching my character. I have an ever greater appreciation for the Israelites 40 years of wandering. I am growing in my sensitivity that my desire and longing for home, will only be satisfied in Christ. I am so thankful that for those of us who know Christ we are never homeless (John 14:1-3). Peace is not a physical location, it is not a life free from conflict and struggle, peace is a Person and His Name is Jesus. I need that to be enough!
Father God, for anyone who is struggling and longing for home, may they come home to You. Thank You Father that You do not leave us on our own. Lord God, thank You that You give us community so that we do not have to do life alone, even if we feel alone. Lord God, draw us closer to Yourself. May we submit our longings, desires and weaknesses to You. Thank You Lord for this reader. Thank You for their care and encouragment. Lord God, fill us with the peace that passes all understanding. In Jesus’s Name I pray. Amen.